Two years ago today I made a decision that has not only altered the course of my life, but saved my life.
I kicked my abusive boyfriend out of my house. It took a lot of guts. Much more courage than I knew I had in me. But as he stood there yelling at me, and threw something at my head calling me names and telling me how worthless I was-- something just... snapped. I yelled back. I stood up for myself in MY house that I bought on my own, and I yelled at him about taking MY car for 2 days and disappearing without a word. I yelled at him about stealing MY money that I made at MY JOB of which he didn't have one. I yelled at him that I knew he had been cheating and I'd talked to the numerous women he had brought through my house while I was commuting 2.5 hours each way every day for us. He called me fat, ugly, a bitch, that maybe if I was home to give him attention he wouldn't cheat to which I replied maybe if you weren't a 30 year old man with zero job or car then I wouldn't have to keep my well paying job in another city so we could have a house to live in.
When the mug zipped by my head, I'm pretty sure he saw the devil in my eyes. He definitely felt the force of which I turned to him and screamed to get out of my house. After much yelling and threatening, he walked out of the house.
What would follow was two weeks of pure hell. There were threats on my life, on whoever I dated nexts life, his own life. Threats to burn down my house. Texts saying I looked nice today when I would leave for work. Texts accusing me of cheating and that he would kill some imaginary guy. Texts that he was walking the train tracks-- so I called the police, people had seen him down there but he was long gone. My brother had the good thought to take his house key on the night it all went down.
Luckily Maggie wasn't home at this time anyway, but she stayed a couple extra weeks at her dad's, and I locked down the house, stayed inside as much as possible, took out a restraining order and had everyone on high alert. The cops drove by twice daily, and my dear cousin and brother both lived close and were called a few times to come check out a noise or something. He didn't have an address at that point so I had to go back weekly to renew the protection order because he couldn't be served. Eventually I couldn't keep going back as I had finally found a good job in town and didn't have the leave time to be taking weekly on top of Maggie and my's doctor appointments and such.
That was the end of November 2019, by May I had sold my first house that I loved so deeply, and moved to a small apartment about 20 minutes away. I know it's just a house but I will always miss the potential that place had. It was a beautiful house. A huge back yard, enough bedrooms that we had a spare room and a play room. I had a garage to park in so I didn't have to scrape snow off my car, and a sun room to sit out in during the spring months. But most of all I had the cutest yellow door. Maggie and I always drive by when we're in town, and we talk about how excited we were on the day I got the keys to it. I took her to this strange house and met the realtor, and when she handed me the keys Maggie just said "what? it's ours now? she's just giving it to us?" And that's what it felt like. Like the stars had aligned pricewise, and location-wise, for me to have this house. But sometimes the devil comes disguised as an angel. It wasn't the houses' fault, but the "man" I had decided to try and build with.
He didn't start off abusive. As most Narcissists do, they breadcrumb you, they gaslight you, they show you who you want to see, then slowly let out who they really are-- and by the time they do that you're so far in that it's hard to get out. I know it doesn't make sense. I know my friends straight up walked away from me over my choices with him. But until you're in the depths of abuse, you never realize just how hard it is to be strong and have that 10 seconds of insane courage to leave-- especially when leaving is forcing them out vs. walking out yourself.
Today has been an emotional rollercoaster. I have cried from the moment I woke up, until a few hours ago. I have re-faced not only these memories but also harsh current happenings with a ridiculous custody battle, insurance not approving my diabetic medicines, and general money woes that go with said things. As well as having a 4-5 hour drive turn into a 6-7 hour drive because of holiday traffic.
But you know what? the end to my day has been sweet. I'm sitting on the bed of one of the most kind and loving men I have ever met. I am drinking hot coco with lucky charms marshmallows in it out of a sasquatch "social distancing champ" mug he got me just because he knows how much I love bigfoot, while all our kids sleep soundly and were all so good tonight. The only thing that could make the end of my rough day better would be a hug from him but alas, nightshift reigns supreme this month.
The fact that just a hug from him makes my whole day better is so telling. I was angry and crying since about 8 o'clock this morning and he called me on his way to work and he just puts me at ease. He doesn't yell at me, or throw things, or cheat on me. He wouldn't even do something to make me think he was. He wouldn't put our relationship in jeopardy at all, because he loves me that much. I honestly didn't know it was possible to be loved like this, but he has shown me more than I ever thought I could deserve.
Abuse is not okay, and it takes a long time to heal from. I am truly grateful to have found someone so patient with me who makes me feel happy, and wanted, and protected. And I can't thank him enough for being this person to me, at this time in our lives.
