What is up, my people?
It's been almost 2 years since my last update on here, and man oh man has life changed so much since then.
For starters, I'm married now! One year this weekend. How fun is that? My husband is just the most wonderful man I have ever known, and I am so happy to call him mine. Did you know it's possible to have a partner that doesn't hurt you, yell at you, make you feel worthless, etc? I'm not sure either of us knew that was actually possible. We've heard of that, but not really experienced it in our adult lives.
I have 3 step kids now. They're delightful. All such different personalities, but so great each in their own different ways. Maggie started at a local Performing Arts school this year for singing, she's a trip. I'm so glad I was given her.
I moved away to PA for about two years and we are back in OH now. It's proving to be much more difficult than we had planned. Every single day I sit at my computer and apply to jobs until it dies, then I do house things. In 4 months we've managed to get everything unpacked, paint all the bedrooms, build a wall in the basement to make a room divider, redone our kitchen cupboards, redone a bathroom, got our shed out of the backyard and started on the outside, and this week I'm starting on removing the fire place in our living room. I might also paint our ceramic sink, still debating on that. I did put vinyl paint on our wishlist so I can work on painting this house this year too, but it's a little out of our budget at the moment-- but also only about $400 to do our whole house, so that's promising.
I'm feeling pretty worthless lately. It's really difficult to give up my independence. Like, I knew I would have to what with getting married and taking on a whole family, but I didn't anticipate the absolutely terrible feeling of not being able to find a job. I've been offered a couple that I would be losing money if I took them. Part time work is all I need, but it's gotta be a certain wage. This job market is insane. I'm losing my sense of myself. I've always been big-city-career oriented. This is ROUGH. But the burnout I was experiencing might have been worse. I didn't realize how real that was until I started going through it. Right now I just miss the ability and freedom to not have to count the price of things while shopping, or the ability to just buy whatever random thing I wanted. Budgeting for a big family when you're broke is hard and it sucks. While I should be slowing down and enjoying this time off (because when will you ever get 4-5 months off again?) all I can do is stress about upcoming holidays and other things kids need. They grow entirely too fast and we can't seem to keep up with their long legs.
I'm wrecked right now and I don't understand what is going on. I was always so proud of the fact that I'd literally never been denied for a job I interviewed for. Now it's like I can't even get interviews.
BUT, I have an incredibly supportive husband who is letting me find my way, and honestly that's all I could ask for at this moment. He isn't pressing me to do something I can't, he isn't talking down to me, he still just sees me as his equal, and I'm so grateful for his attitude on life. He keeps me so grounded.
So, this isn't a well written update, or a good one even, but it's an update. Maybe I will write something better when I have the brain to.
