Say "Geronimo!"

Two years ago my entire world fell crumbling apart. No, not fell apart, got completely blown apart, like an atom bomb unexpectedly landing in the very center of our tiny seemingly secure family.

My husband had an affair.

Cue atom bomb.


Completely blindsided and left in the dark on the matter, I was left to myself to teach myself all those little things one takes for granted. Changing light bulbs in special lights, checking the oil in the car, putting air in my tires, tools- and what tool goes for what problem. BUGS- most importantly Spiders. Ugh. (I can honestly say I am proud of my standoffs with spiders, even if they last much longer than needed, I eventually get the job done, paying bills, passwords for well, everything...you get the point. In that time though, I also learned to lean heavily of the love of Jesus. The absolute only being that could bring me peace in such a trying time.

::Here is where I will break from my path and clear the air: IN NO WAY AM I BASHING MY HUSBAND. This is the fact of the matter and I am tired of being ashamed of it, I am tired of holding the guilt from it. I am tired of reliving the pain and burden of it every single day. I loved him with everything I had, and I care for him and always will as the father of my child. But what I learned is that if God is not at the center, it doesn't make for a very good marriage. Second thing- My husband and I had a child together. She is not someone else's. I have been asked this an insane amount of times. We decided to work at our marriage again, and in the process I got pregnant. We split up for good in May and she was born in August.
I will not allow people to say I did not try my hardest to make this marriage work. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and for better or for worse. I believe in the vows I took and the covenant I made. But sometimes, you don't have a choice.::

Over the last two years I have learned more about who I am and what I want out of life than in the previous 25 years. I want to be a family who knows God and serves God without hesitation, without question. I want to be a family who prays together, I want to have a husband I can trust to hear and follow what God is saying is best for us. I want to raise my daughter to know the love of Jesus, I want to show her what health, respect, and Godly love and marriage and family is like.

I don't know what the future holds for Maggie and me. There is a divorce in process as of last month. I am grateful that she won't have to know the pain and feeling of abandonment that comes with the splitting up of a family. But I am sad that for now, she won't know the security of a single family unit. While I know a relationship isn't everything, we do pray for God to send us that man that he will entrust with our hearts. (I'm only 27, I'm not gonna stay single forever). And we pray that we can find our way back to a sense of normalcy. I have moved across the country 4 times in the last 2 years and I am ready to be finished moving, settled in a place we love (which we aren't quite there yet) and moving on with our life.

Satan will do everything he can to break apart marriages. And sometimes he wins the battle, but he doesn't have to win the war.

God has not let us down, he has carried me every step of the way- providing in ways I never thought possible- and He won't make us fight this alone.

2 years ago to the week, my husband had an affair that tore apart all sense of security and trust I had. The one person in the whole world who wasn't supposed to hurt me, hurt me the most. So here is to a new year. A new age. A new home. A new baby. A new, different, single life. A mom life. A life following where God will send me, do what he tells me, Praise him through the storm and as he brings me out of it, and trust Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God is good all the time. All the time God is good.
Selah.