"a world without you hurts..."

One of the hardest things, I feel, in life, is to love someone who doesn't love you back. I know how extreme that sounds, so let's tone it down a notch. To have feelings for someone who doesn't have them back.

This week I've experienced both sides of this. I have had someone tell me how strongly they feel towards me, only to have me not reciprocate those feelings. And I have felt very strongly for someone, only for him to be pretty up and down on his towards me (at least that's how I feel about it). 

It's funny the way feelings and such work. It's literally just a chemical reaction in your body. That's all. It's not some outer-body experience, some divine intervention of a higher being's chosing (if you believe this way, then believe He made you to have that reaction with the person you're meant to), it's literally just the pleasure part of your brain lighting up. When your heart breaks, it's been proven that the body reacts the same as it does if you are detoxing cold turkey (why is it called cold turkey?) off some heavy drug. I can never discredit someone who says their heart hurts, because if you've ever been hurt, the physical body hurts when missing that person. The nausea is real, the pain is real. There are real cases of a "broken heart" where the stress on the body was too much and the heart strings literally have broken. I've said literally a lot but I am trying to stress a point that these feelings should be validated in everyone.

I have caused a lot of heartbreak in my time, believe it or not. But I have also had a lot put on me by others. So to hurt someone all over again this week has been sort of hard of me. I am sure in my decision, but it is hard to make someone re-live those same conversations all over again. On the opposite end, I have had this person who right now is more of a favorite friend than anything, not make an ounce of effort to see or call me in weeks, and it hurts just the same. To be in the same building but they don't bother to say anything, or to literally be a mile away but it's too far.

It's tough to feel unwanted, but I think it can be just as hard on the person who has to make that other person feel that way. In many cases. I have had such a hard time having to let people down, and I know that before people have had a hard time with having to let me down. But I think the key thing is open and caring communication. Never would I intentionally hurt someone in the way I let them down, but I also wouldn't lie to them to keep from having to do what I have to do. When someone puts in the effort, you can be sure they have the interest in you. When someone doesn't put in the effort, you can be sure they only keep you around when convenient for them. When someone doesn't speak to you for a year, you can be sure they've moved on. It's all messy, and it's all hard. But we're adults now, aren't we? So when we have to fire our coworkers, break bad news to friends or family, let people down all the time, shouldn't we be able to be real and honest with people we say we care about? I say it's time to put down the games, and put forth the effort where effort needs put. 

*This post is pretty much pointless. And this song only sort of applies to both sides of this, but I'm lowkey in love with Claudio. And very in love with this song. Enjoy.

"Pardon me, I think I'm going out of my head and into the worst. A world without you hurts... I hope I'm being clear that there's no one like you on Earth, that can be my universe."